To my son Kyle, on his 29th birthday:
Family reunions can be somewhat of a potpourri. A mixed bag of personalities, emotions, expectations, outcomes. Before engaging in these gatherings, I’ve learned to carefully unfold the process by stepping back and assessing the scene from afar. Following my initial scan, I quickly ascertain who will assume each role in this ever-complicated play. Who are the stalwart cast members? Who enters in as supporting roles? Who positions themselves as understudies? I enjoy partaking as an audience member before stepping on stage to determine which role I’m about to employ in the production of “This Year’s Family Gathering.”
Most of us go to a production because of the leading character, who oftentimes owns the screen or stage. Lead roles tend to carry other players, and without their presence, the production loses luster.
So it is with my son Kyle. As the curtain lifted on our family reunion, the cast strongly sensed his
absence. His flight had been cancelled and we were coming to grips with the fact that the event might have to go on in his absence. I was vehemently unable and unwilling to accept this…I would have driven to Chicago myself to pluck him from O’Hare airport where he was stranded.
After countless flight delays and re-routes, I picked up my smelly, frustrated, jet lagged, luggage-less son in Boston and we settled into a 2 hour drive to Maine. Within 5 seconds of laying eyes on my child, I immediately felt the “well worth it” resolve in my bones. As he and his Uber driver pulled up to our meeting spot, I could hear the two speaking Spanish, cackling, sharing one final moment. Kyle had immediately befriended the driver (no surprise there). He stepped out of the car and my soul was misted with overwhelming appreciation for this gem of a being. His luggage was in another city, he wore two-day-old clothes, and he carried only the lag of a delayed traveler. But his smile was electric and unstoppable. As we drove to our family event, he flushed out his frustration, swore a little, renounced American Airlines for life, and then settled into a deep- dive of emotional connection with his weary mom. When he asked how my life was, I skimmed a reply off the top of my emotional pool and then passed the baton over to him. His response was, “Not so fast, Mom, I haven’t heard enough about you yet.” The next two hours brought forth an exchange of cavernous soul connection, unspeakable laughter, twisted humor, tender appreciation.
What ultimately drove Kyle’s engine was his devout intention to experience extended family. Nothing stops my first born from bonding with his dad, his brother, his cousins, aunts and uncles, his MiMi and Poppy…nothing stops him from making life-long bonds with vagabond strangers. Kyle upholds and cherishes stories belonging to others. He seeks out connection, he thrives on comradery, his specialty is soul deciphering, and his imprint is profoundly felt. Anyone in their right mind would have taken the maddening travel roadblocks as a clear sign to return home and cash in on airline vouchers. Not Kyle. All he needed to plow ahead was a custom tailored suit, a mixed drink, and our rich family portrait set before him. And so it was. An epic family production, Kyle in the leading role. Another memorable performance that forever keeps
us on our feet shouting, “Encore, encore!”
Kyle, you are kind, generous, spiritual, thoughtful, beautifully complicated; your
presence impacts eternally. You live outside the tidy box. I am continuously awed by
you.
Happy Birthday, son. I love you with all my heart and soul.
Sincerely,
Your Mom…
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