Charles The Horse - Burlington Vermont - February 4-6, 2022

Charles J. Moyer, formerly known as “CJ,” personifies the word “workhorse.” He is a managing partner with Paperboy Media Group, owns his own design company called Moyer Design, and he recently opened a mobile cocktail bar called Presley’s. These are all tremendous achievements to have been made by horse, but what I love most about CJ is his kind heart and unslakable appetite for thrill seeking.

You see, “hanging out” with CJ was somewhat of an honor as a kid. He was a local snowboarding legend, sponsored by Libtech, he dominated the athletic game and people fawned over his bleach blonde horse’s man, strong muzzle, lean crest, angular throat latch, chiseled gaskin, tight feskin and playful tail…..where my equestrians at? When CJ was around, life was brimming with excitement. Much like a grocery store vending machine, you knew excitement was around the corner, you just didn’t know what it was going to be but you knew you were in for a good time (fingers crossed it’s the sticky hand that you’d toss around and just….slap onto corners and ceilings that haven’t been touched in decades, collecting all sorts of detritus and grime within the first few minutes, effectively ruining the toy as soon as you got it). The point is, adventure lurked when CJ was around.

Recently Charles came up to Burlington to escape some of the noise. Working three jobs can be physically and emotionally draining. I know this because I have one job and I require frequent respites and vacations in order to maintain my sanity. I can’t imagine what it’s like tripling that workload. Let’s do the math. I work 3 hours a day, 4 days a week which comes out to 12 hours weekly. Multiply that by 3 jobs….Charles works a staggering 36 hours a week….that’s nuts. A vacation to Vermont was merited.

On Friday morning, after a night of beef, vermont cheddar and beers, we rolled out of bed, piled into the Jave and headed to Mt. Stowe. We were lucky enough to catch the best powder day of the season according to a Vermont local who was in fact a real human and not a moose I befriended out of pure loneliness. The scenery on the way was surreal – a two foot blanket of powder covered the entire Northern Vermont landscape. I love farms but holy shit do I love farms when they’re covered in snow. It felt like a place Jason Bourne would go with one of his crestfallen female damsels whilst on the run from the nasty ole secret government. Run Jason. Run to the snowy farm. You will be safe there for approximately 6-12 hours and then you’ll be discovered again. But for now…..enjoy the snow farm and the company of this beautiful woman that will soon face certain death. The point is, there was a fuck ton of snow on the ground. I like to think the two day blizzard followed Charles, The Soldier of Fortune!

I could go on for hours about how much fun we had on the mountain but at the risk of losing the single reader that has read this far, I’ll skip to the highlight. Despite showing up early, the mountain was already torn to shit - no freshy fresherton lines in sight. It was Mogul City population “us.” A veritable blender of snow, a mountain laden with freshly plucked GOOSE bumps. If you’re a mother that lives in an HOA and you get frequent speeding and it's a concern for your kids safety, forget petitioning city council for a speed bump…..explore the option of the translocation of this mountain side from this particular day…..from the past. It was bumpy…..until….Cj the Clydesdale, with his clopping hooves, Budweiser carriage hefted behind him…..stumbled upon a secret passage – an untouched trail that spit you deep into the woods where fresh lines were ample, silence was thick and all you could hear were the faint sounds of cascading snowflakes kissing the earth and the songs of a few fellow buccaneers in the woods. Snowboarding deep into the woods is a different breed. When you ditch the groomies (groomed runs) and make for the forest, you almost lose your identity. Words are not exchanged but rather a series of chirps and guttereal “yips,” and “yeeoooows” and Guffaws. It’s a paradise tucked away, feeling dimensions away from the groomies….but in reality it’s just one DECISION away. It’s a decision to dispense with control and safety and rigidity. The byproduct is a new world of adventure with magical elves like CJ waiting to show you what sweetness life has to offer…..

Don’t go into the trees if you suck at snowboarding. You could actually die.

Sincerely,

Your Friend Kyle